I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
