I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
