I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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