Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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