Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You dont lie about slip and slides
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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