getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
