i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
