did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
