remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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