I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
