You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
