I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My vagina just recognized that song.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
