think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
high people should be assigned attendants
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
