Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
