4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
