that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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