i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
