no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need a beard to bite.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
