I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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