I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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