i permit you to call me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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