I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
