WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
