What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
