chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
