Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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