yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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