imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He passed out mid-signature
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
