do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize