I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
