Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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