Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
