I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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