i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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