I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
