I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
