you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i love accidental penises.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
