i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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