But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
