My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
