haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
