the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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