have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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