My liver just broke up with me...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
