thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
