1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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