don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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