if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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