I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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