paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
