Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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