My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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