Even the bartender felt bad for me
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize