Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
