I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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