Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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