They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
