Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
