clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
