yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
