erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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