I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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