didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
